Here at Magick Sandwich, you'd think we'd be happy to see another foodstuff succeed. But we were pig-biting mad to see the donut graced with its own day.
I'm not too proud to admit that I wanted to poke fun at National Donut Day. Like so many things in life, the less you know about something, the easier it is to denigrate with conviction. Unfortunately, I did a little research and learned (dammit!) that Donut Day was created in 1938 by the Salvation Army to honor the women who served donuts to soldiers
in World War I.
Aw, shucks. Here's some Salvation Army educational video. Full disclosure: though my atheism makes me wary of organizations that smack of the Crusades, shopping at the 46th Street Sally helped me dress in cool vintage clothes back in the 80s, before everybody started doing it.(I'm looking at you, Kate Moss.)
This day has brought up an interesting question for me. How can you get angry at someone who feeds you donuts? This could be the secret to peace in the Middle East. We've been missing the mark with Bread Not Bombs. Just a tweak in the proferred baked goods could make all the difference. Waterboarding is so extreme; why not a little Dunkin' instead? (I know that was bad. I'm groaning, too.)
I really appreciate you sticking with me this far--especially after that Dunkin' joke. Sorry! By all means,turn off your computer and run to your nearest donut shop to get that bad pun taste out of your mouth. Krispy Kreme will give you a freebie but Dunkin' Donuts will make you buy a beverage with it, so it's more of a gift with purchase deal.
You can locate a Krispy Kreme store
here. While you're there, pick up a tee. There's nothing that pisses off people at the gym like wearing a Krispy Kreme t-shirt.
*****
Update:
I went out to pick up the dry cleaning with exact change, so when I realized I should eat a donut, purely for verisimilitude, I couldn't. (There's only a Dunkin' Donuts near me and I'd have to purchase something to get it, so no dice.) But my dry cleaner realized he had overcharged me and I got money back. Serendipity!
I headed over to DD expecting banners announcing the day. There was one 4x6 inch sign on the door: free donut w/beverage purchase. They didn't even capitalize the words. Thank goodness my friends on the internet had alerted me so I didn't need the benefit of adequate signage.
I ordered a toasted coconut donut. I wanted a regular glazed but they only had glazed sticks. That didn't feel right. I had to buy an iced coffee to get it. I'd like to ask a question here. Why does iced coffee cost more than regular coffee? There's less coffee and the only other ingredient is frozen water.
Anyway, the cashier charged me for both. I had to say, "Hey, isn't it free donut day?" like an idiot. She pursed her lips and deleted the charge. I left feeling superior even though I'd just bought an overpriced beverage at a place I haven't visited since my first Krispy Kreme. The only Krispy Kreme left in NYC is in Penn Station and on a 90 degree day I had no urge to take a subway train there and reacquaint myself with the scent of wino piss in 70 percent humidity.
So I got home dripping in sweat and sat down with my prize. I thought about posting a picture of it since I've heard that people tweet their food before they eat it but I decided that was too stupid even for a post about donuts that employs a waterboard pun. I took a bite and it kinda sucked. It tasted dry and stale. And after I post this, I'm probably going to finish it.
Labels: atheism, doughnut, Dunkin Donuts, humor, Kate Moss, kathcom, Krispy Kreme, magick sandwich, National Donut Day, National Doughnut Day, Salvation Army, sarcasm, satire, strange, stupid shit
