Last night, a statue affectionately known as "Touchdown Jesus" was struck by lightning and consumed by fire. Formally known as "King of Kings," the eight ton, six story high memorial was erected next to I-75 just north of Cincinnati, Ohio, where it has stood since 2004 for the quiet reflection of passing motorists.
Lawrence Bishop, not a bishop but a former horse trader, who founded the 4,000 member Solid Rock Church with his wife Darlene, says the statue was meant to be a "beacon of hope." But last night it became a beacon of flame. Lightning struck and an unholy conflagration ensued.
WHIO-TV's Channel 7 spoke to a gathering of the faithful in the smoky aftermath. One young parishioner stated that he believed this was a sign from God that "He's unhappy with something we're doing." When another was asked what she thought the sign might be, she stated simply, "Nothing good."
A more likely explanation might be that the monument was constructed of styrofoam, fiberglass, wood and resin molded over a metal skeleton--not exactly flame retardant materials. (Are churches exempt from fire codes?) Darlene Bishop stated Jesus will be rebuilt, "but this time we are going to try for something fireproof." Um, could I suggest...solid rock?
The residents of Monroe, Ohio seem unconcerned with the toxins released by the blaze. In fact, Ms. Bishop stated that people are coming to a nearby pond to take home pieces of foam left after the fire. Maybe they're going to fashion them into big foam fingers to wave at the next local football game. Surely that's what Touchdown Jesus would have wanted.
Unless the sign is that he wants us to watch soccer.
Labels: church statue burns, football, humor, Jesus, kathcom, King of Kings, magick sandwich, Monroe Ohio, sarcasm, satire, soccer, stupid shit, Touchdown Jesus
