Magick's Twofer Tuesday, Part 2: Sandwich Salvation In Doubt


Previously on Twofer Tuesday: Magick Sandwich attempted to get in the good graces of the possibly imaginary Man Upstairs by clicking on a Christian Google Ad. Having read previously about prayer's connection to baked goods, kathcom was eager to begin her journey with jesus2020.com. The following details Day Two.

Salvation Followup: O God, I'm Coming!

I guess the folks at Global Media Outreach feel that even a poor sinner like K. Beelzebub who demands cake in exchange for prayer is worthy of salvation. They're going to give it a try.

Perhaps I will inadvertently convert some of my fellow heathens by sharing part of this "devotional" entitled Day 2: BEGINNING THE JOURNEY.

What can I expect on my journey?
Years ago, when our family would set out on a long car trip, we would be only a few miles down the road when one of our then small children would ask, "Daddy, are we there yet?"

On this trip, boys and girls you're not "there" until you die. So if Daddy drives off a cliff--yay! There'll be Smarties and Pixi Stix for everyone...and no tummy ache! Until then, the grim march of life continues, with filthy reststops and no WetNaps to clean strangers' E. coli off the doorknobs.

Satan's tactic for the new believer is to pull you back from your newfound faith. He'll say: "This isn't real. You've just had an emotional experience." "You're going to lose all your friends." "Your fun days are over." It's a mental battle, and dealing with the adversary is a fact of your Christian life.

But I was becoming a Christian so I could get some friends. Those guys are as thick as locusts down here! And what "fun days" are they talking about? If I'd had any of those, I wouldn't have to wish for an afterlife, would I?

When Satan comes with doubts, fears and temptations, oppose him with words like these: "I am a child of God, redeemed from my old life by the Lord Jesus." Then pray for Jesus to help you. "Lord, help me through this battle."

To me, Satan is a fictional character and Jesus has been dead a long time. Wouldn't that be like asking Shakespeare to help me with my homework?

Remember: by coming to Jesus you have taken a major, life-transforming step -- one you will never regret!

As my hubby said to the Jehovah's Witnesses who used to knock on his door in Tulsa, "Jesus saves, but with Satan, no down payment, easy terms." I love that guy! My hubby, I mean, not Satan. Fictional character, remember? Satan, not my hubby. Christ! This could go on till Judgment Day, which according to The Terminator, already happened in the 90's. If that's true, I ask again: where is my cake?

To sum up: If there is a God, I will most likely be voted off the island. If you laughed at any of this, you will be, too. At least we'll be in good company.

More heresy:
Magick's Twofer Tuesday, Part 1: Can This Sandwich Be Saved?
Have Your Cake and Eat Me, Too!
It's a good thing....

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