As presidential candidates argue the benefits of tire gauges and offshore drilling, as Chinese officials fight to keep smog and smelly cabdrivers at bay during the Olympic games, I would like to pay tribute to the unsung heroes of our economy, the environment and the world: the depressed.
Depressives support us in many ways:
They are locavores, meaning they support local business and farms by always ordering in. They conserve energy by not cooking food themselves, encourage the use of pedal power and support the service sector when they tip the delivery guy.
They watch a lot of television, so they help ratings. They're probably watching the Olympics right now. You're welcome, NBC!
They also use fewer resources since they don't bathe or wash their clothes too often, thereby conserving water and releasing fewer harmful detergents into the ecosystem.
At the same time, depressives add value to our water supply. As you may know, prescription medications are not filtered during water treatment. So, if you've ever said, "Somebody ought to put Prozac in the drinking water around here," they do--every time they pee!
Related post:
Great Gifts for Depressed Friends!
Labels: Beijing, depression, Ecosystem, Energy conservation, humor, kathcom, locavores, magick sandwich, NBC, Olympic Games, prescription medication, presidential race, sarcasm, satire, Water treatment
